God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
