Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
