you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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