i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
