Me. At least after what I've been through.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
