Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
