I need help removing her.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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