Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
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Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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