He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
