Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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