all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
