umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
