im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
