She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
