FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
