We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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