She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
