he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
