we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
