do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
