I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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