I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
