I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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