Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
