the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
