Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex