Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year