remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I need moral support for this bender
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.