You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way