You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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