Texts From Last Night

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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.

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  (250): even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real. http://tfl.nu/de62
  Replies (29) Good night (4892) Bad night (486)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  school has made you so classy.

  (514): View more from Quebec

  that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.

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  (780): school has made you so classy. (514): that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884. http://tfl.nu/r8mz
  Replies (45) Good night (4149) Bad night (607)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.

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  (920): You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now. http://tfl.nu/yhp5
  Replies (26) Good night (1533) Bad night (7105)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.

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  (215): i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system. http://tfl.nu/14j2
  Replies (16) Good night (1145) Bad night (3987)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay

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  (903): Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay http://tfl.nu/z5xx
  Replies (9) Good night (4113) Bad night (1086)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.

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  (503): Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight. http://tfl.nu/viha
  Replies (6) Good night (1085) Bad night (512)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Almost there.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.

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  (402): Almost there. (1-402): define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway. http://tfl.nu/xjed
  Replies (1) Good night (1666) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.

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  (405): I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities. http://tfl.nu/i4vg
  Replies (7) Good night (634) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.

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  (818): Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party. http://tfl.nu/8owu
  Replies (12) Good night (416) Bad night (1001)
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  (213): View more from California

  WTF DUDE?

  (323): View more from California

  Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this

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  (213): WTF DUDE? (323): Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this http://tfl.nu/ooar
  Replies (6) Good night (1067) Bad night (421)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.

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  (817): I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita. http://tfl.nu/fdg7
  Replies (3) Good night (602) Bad night (237)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.

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  (859): This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her. http://tfl.nu/8e8b
  Replies (6) Good night (478) Bad night (248)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.

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  (218): So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/i9rc
  Replies (5) Good night (361) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars

  (770): View more from Georgia

  wait nvm its a dude

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  (770): Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars (770): wait nvm its a dude http://tfl.nu/bj4y
  Replies (0) Good night (347) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  did i make more ranch sandwiches last night

  (269): View more from Michigan

  you had 4

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  (248): did i make more ranch sandwiches last night (269): you had 4 http://tfl.nu/kctz
  Replies (0) Good night (296) Bad night (410)

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