I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.