Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.