i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
