I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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