True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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