and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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