Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize