Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
