I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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