I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
