dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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