Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
