You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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