I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Someone shit on the floor
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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