So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
