1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
