Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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