I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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