Sober January is a disaster.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
