I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
