I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
