Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
