clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
