i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
