the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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