Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
