We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
