May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
