i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
