It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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