I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize