i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
