you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
