I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
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I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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