Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
