Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
