There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
ok first of all what the fuck
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