Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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