mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
