had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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