The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We had sex on a dog bed..
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
