i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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