You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
