she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
