I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
